Though I spent a lot of time asleep in that cell, the quality of sleep I was getting was that of a person who had no idea or agency over her ultimate fate. I slept in fear and had dreams of death, only to wake up in further terror. My reality had become a horror story I would not wish anyone to live or myself to relive.
The next day in jail I would become ill, I was unable to rouse so I was taken to the prison nurse, I had no clue what qualifications made her a nurse but then again nothing was making sense anymore.
She took my blood pressure and determined it was low (80 over 40), prescribing juice which she handed to me and sent me back to my cell. That afternoon I ate the food that little girl would serve me, though not much in itself it did help me gain enough energy to survive.
Later that afternoon I was taken to the prison psychologist who would spend a good number of hours with me, analyzing what sick mental disorder I had that made me think I had rights? what illness would make a twenty some year old girl be in the presence of a man that was not related to her?? What a puzzle and what abnormality I exhibited. To them I was not only a criminal but also a psychopath.
I cannot remember much about this so called psychologist. I do recall thinking she was a university student and that I was her study subject. That she was writing a paper and using me as an example of what has gone wrong with society’s women. She refused to believe that I was being abused at home. The overall impression she had of me was that I was making up stories for which I should be punished which she made perfectly clear.
The entire experience was surreal and indeed I ended up feeling more hate and alienation from this system that I had found myself sucked into and violently exposed to. The fucked up people that comprised the system who I would more likely consider to be parasites than human.
This was day number 2 for me in jail and I have yet to know what, why, who , when and where about anything or anyone. Aside from the lectures these women were spewing on me every time they saw me, I honestly was not informed of when I was to talk to my family or if they had been informed of my whereabouts. I never knew what was to come next. Every minute of every hour was a mystery and I lived the next few weeks not knowing why anything was happening.
They took my right to know along with everything else…
I remained in isolation for the remainder of my time in jail except for prayer times and that one day when they let me out and took me down to a gathering place of inmates. I was made to sit down on the floor next to other women. They ordered me not to talk to anyone to which I complied but much to my surprise a young girl with her little boy came and sat next to me. She began cursing the religious police saying she hopes they burn in hell. I looked at her and whispered asking “what happened to you?” She replied ” They caught me with my boyfriend in a car and I was 3 months pregnant at the time”.
WHAT???!!!!Trying to not voice my shock, I calmly asked how she was still alive?? She didn’t know but she would eventually and quietly tell me the rest of her story which has been forever burnt in my memory.
This young girl had a boyfriend who got her pregnant. She was trying to figure things out with him the only way any girl could in Saudi and that was in his car pretending to be his sister or wife. Like me she was kidnapped by the religious police. The sad part is that she was underage and her family ended up disowning her so she ended up becoming prison property where she gave birth to her son who was now around 5 years old. She told me how she was never allowed to step foot out of the prison and how she could not recall the last time she saw the sky.
At that point of the conversation one of the guards approached us, separated us and took me back to my cell. I never saw or heard from this girl again and as I sit here today a free woman I can only wonder what ever became of the girl in that Saudi jail who couldn’t keep quiet…
Whatever became of her beautiful son?
To be continued…