Religion won’t save your soul but atheism will save your self-respect

I happen to scroll up the chat window, to the very first message my friend had sent me in 2009 and it started like so —

Assalam aleikum wa ramatullahi wa baraktuh,

I hope you, (husband), and the kiddos are doing well. My best wishes and congrats on the new addition to your family.  He’s adorable, Mash’Allah. May Allah (swt) shower your family with His mercy and blessings and may He increase you and your family in iman. Ameen.


Granted its just like four lines long here but in a narrow chat window, its a veritable skyscraper of regurgitated claptrap. But wait, my friend was having man troubles and my response was an even more ascendant pile of horse shit.


As salaam alaikum D. Please don’t think i forgot about you. I have been thinking a lot about you.
I spoke to [L, hubby inserted for dramatic effect] and his opinion of  [M, one of those unreachable holy dudes] is that he is not looking to get into a relationship. L’s opinion is based on past conversations he has had with M on marriage but he is aware that M does not generally tell him much about such matters.
I wanted to give you a more definite answer but i doubt i’ll have any luck.
Please forgive me but i feel compelled to share some insights with you. To have strong feelings for a person can infuse one with a certain kind of energy and with a supple heart. You will find yourself moved by the smallest of things. This is a good time to open your heart up to the world. Read more about our Prophet and his people.
You are very young and you, as all women, have a lot to do. I am sure that you know well that life is not easy. Give yourself time. Let your love be a cooling rain for yourself and others.

I have to admit, I threw up a little in my mouth. How was I okay with sublimating all the shit out of everything?

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Dear Abujee (father)

Sam I Am